It's been awhile I know, but this past week has been filled with heavy emotions. So heavy it's been hard for me to write it all out until now.last Thursday seemed rather dry. I had slept most of the day feeling more exhausted than usual, although everyday I feel tired and sleepy. Ivan decided to make us some steaks and potatoes. I had a craving for it, and like his usual self he wants to make his wifey happy...we were in the kitchen preparing our dinner when we received the call. My sister Hilda told Ivan that they had found my dad unconscious and the ambulance had taken him to the nearest hospital. My mind began to race and tears of fear ran down my face as I grabbed my purse while Ivan quickly grabbed the keys to our car. The ride to the hospital I was once at earlier that morning seemed longer than usual. We arrived to the ER where we were guided to the consult room. As soon as I saw the lettering on the door I began to sob. As the nurse opened the door I saw my sisters red eyes and brother's sorrowful look. I quickly asked in a panic voice" what's going on, where is he?" As the news of my dad no longer being with us hit my ears my knees hit the floor in complete anguish. As the rest of my sisters arrived we hugged each other in sobs. The worst was breaking the news to my mom. My heart shattered as I heard her shout" perdi mi compania" I've lost my company. Seeing my mom made me want to cradle her in my arms to sleep. I've never seen my mom cry this way. Arrangements for my dads services began right away. I couldnt bear going with my family to select the casket nor the burial location. I just couldn't handle it feeling real yet. Family and friends were swarming in and out of our house. Some days it was nice to have company but other days we all just wanted to be left alone. I coped by watching old home videos of my dad and remembering the amazing memories he had given all of us. My dad had suffered so much these past years with different illnesses. He had spent countless days in the hospital, but when it came for his time to part from us it happened in the comfort of his own home, in his favorite spot on the couch. My family and I found peace and prayed he hadn't suffered one bit on his way out. The viewing and funeral were unbearable. I had a difficult time stepping close to the casket. As soon as I walked in I saw my family crowded around it, and began to cry. It took my whole family to convince me to come see him. Inside me, I didn't want to accept it, but I knew I was going to have to. As soon as I saw him, I noticed the small smile on his face. He looked so comfortable at rest. The mass for my dad was beautiful. It brought me a sense of joy to know my dad was enjoying himself in heaven, and although we would miss his physical self, he would always be in our hearts...this brought me great comfort.
God is always trying to teach us something...I dont know why he sprung this on us so sudden, but I feel it has really united our family. I feel my dads presence constantly. I feel god is using my dads absence to bring us closer together. Im going to miss the heck out off him. Not a day will go by where I won't think of him. I'm always always going to remember his smile and laugh, always. I'm going to dedicate this blog to him because i feel ive gotten my strength to fight this sickness from watching my dad fight all his illnesses. He never gave up! And sickness after sickness he always bounced back to us. He was a true fighter, and i want to be just like him! Descansa en Paz mi lindo papa.
God bless, keep following