Saturday, May 12, 2012
Ivan and I's mini road trip and our Family Race! : )
Last Friday turned out to be absolutely spectacular!! I mentioned in my last post that Ivan and I were going to go on a spontaneous drive since he was going to be off a Friday finally. We decided to see where our hearts would take us....and a full tank of gas of course. Who are we kidding, gas is expensive in itself, so we would drive as far as 30 dollars would take us! : ) The day was absolutely stunning outside. Warm, yet a nice cool breeze leaving room for lots of happy smiles. I have always wanted to drive down the coast, so we decided to head in the direction of water.
As we drove, we listened to the latest albums of Goteye and Red Hot Chile Peppers. I love listening to entire albums on trips because it creates an imprinted memory of that particular day/s, that way when you listen to that song in the far future you think of that memory and it instantly puts a grin on your face...For instance, the Temper Tramp album reminds me of my daily commute to work across the San Mateo bridge. I would be waking myself up in the mornings singing my lungs out with the windows rolled down, with the cool breeze in my face. Making sure to quickly turn down the music and roll up my windows just in the nick of time as I pulled into my school's parking lot. It was my version of coffee. And yet till this day, everytime I hear a Temper Tramp song it never fails to remind me of those happy days.
Before you knew it we were at a Free wine tasting room at Casa de Fruta (don't remember the freeway, sorry!). How we ended up here...wel that is pretty simple, we saw FREE! And to our suprise, no purchase, no sign up, no nothing was necessary. It was just plain FREE! We indulged in some good ole fruit inspired wines, and left happy! Our next stop was the San Juan Bautista Mission. Again, we saw a sign, and decided to stop. It was quite fun. We felt like complete tourists, as if we had traveled such a far distance, excited to see every possible site. The mission was beautiful, not to mention the incredible view of florishing vineyards.
Ivan recalled a place he had been to with his cousin many many years ago in Big Sur with a waterfall. I had never been before, so we decided to continue driving and reach our half tank mark. We ended up in a park named Julia Phifier Park, which indeed has a waterfall! The sight was stunning, I seriously felt like I was at a tropical island getaway . The water reflected hints of turquosie and sea green. The time we spent admiring this beautiful site did not comp the time we actually spent driving to this magnificent site, although the three hours was well worth the sight in itself. But it was beginning to get late so we decided to head back. On our way home we stopped in Monteray to grab a quick bite to eat. All in all, it was a beautiful day. It is so exciting and fun to not know where you are going and just see where you end up (What life should be like!).
During the week, I spent a lot of time working and putting in extra hours at my tutoring site since it was the last week. I squeezed in some new recipes to add to my portfolio :) (Thai Spicy Basil Chicken, Thai style beef salad, and Cuban garlic chicken with fried platanos) I painted some, and began a new collage project (of course). I was mostly looking forward to our family's race on Saturday all week!
Today couldn't have came quicker! Our family ended up fundraising a total of 1,300!!! I am super proud of everyone! We definelty kicked butt! The race called for us getting up at the break of dawn, as it was in San Jose and would require a drive. But for once in my life, I didn't mind the early wake up call because I was so excited for the day. A possy of orange dressed peeps (being my family and a few friends) arrived pumped and ready to kick the race in the butt. Being that our team name was Kick it in the Butt, we couldn't fall short of anything less. I don't know what was better, seeing many of my family members unite for such an awesome cause, hearing from actual individuals who had received a bone marrow donation or donated, witnessing a 12 year old kid and his family raise 10,000 for Be the Match after being saved at the age of 2 from a bone marrow transplant that came from an umbilical cord, or the abundant amount of energy everyone had to make a difference in this world! It was all rather touching and so inspiring! The actual run, was beautiful, we all finished!! What a day it was, truly memorable. I hope you all can one day take part in something like this, I promise you, you will not regret it : ). Below are some photos to illustrate all my jibber jabber. And you can see the short do I've been promising to post.
Much Love, Keep following!
Friday, May 4, 2012
And the race continues...
And the race continues! Last week my family and I had a garage sale fundraiser for our Be the Match walk taking place next week. We were able to raise a total of 250 dollars! Our goal was 500, and we surpassed it! It was such a great time having our family unite for this amazing cause. Even the little kiddos did their part by selling cupcakes and lemonade...if anyone out there is interested in donating to our team, visit bethematch.org and donate to be the match be the one run, team "kick it in the butt."
The San Diego half marathon is also quickly approaching too! I've been working my tail off getting my weekly miles in so I'm ready for race day! I love to walk/run, but I do get bored at moments, so I try and change it up from time to time and attend a workout class at the gym instead...anything that gets my blood flowing and heart pumping works.
Alright so I must share with you all my new hobby for this month...yes, another! Sewing! I decided to sew my friend Alyssa a clutch that matches her wedding colors that she can use for when we are all out in Hawaii. I saw something on a DIY YouTube video (another one of my new guilty pleasure hobbies)and was inspired to try it! I didn't do half bad, yet the stitching inside was a bit rusty, but no one will be looking inside I figured. I can honestly say I have never dabbed into so many new hobbies before...thanks to cancer I've had the chance to try lots of new past times;)
On a separate note, I have one more week left of work at the after school program and tutoring:) yay! I get two short weeks off, and then I start teaching summer school for a month. And once summer school ends its off to Hawaii!!! Ivan and I's close friends are getting married in Maui and we are both super excited to attend! It will be an opportunity for us to finally get a honeymoon and also a time to celebrate getting through this past difficult year. We can't be more excited!
Tomorrow Ivan is off, so we are taking off on a spontaneous day trip...who knows where we will end up! This is the first Friday he has been off in months since he has had classes on Fridays this whole semester. I'm sooo proud of him for getting through his first semester back at school. He did super well in his classes. I'm a proud wifey! I should get some rest for our excursion tomorrow. Just wanted to update you all a little. I'll be sure to let you all know about how the walk goes next Saturday. Until then, take care and God Bless!
P.s. I've been meaning to post a picture of my new hair coming in...yikes! I've lagged. In case you all are wondering, I look just like my mom, hahaha. Not, but seriously I'll get one up soon! I'm sporting all kinds of new do's as my hair grows back!!! Suggestions??
Sunday, April 1, 2012
24 never looked so good! 1 year celebration of my fight....to parrrrrty!:)
I woke up today recalling the mixed emotions I was feeling on this exact day one year ago. The crushing news that I would have to fight for my life at the age of 23. Everything I had worked for and established for myself seem to have shattered at that one moment of hearing I had been diagnosed with leukemia. Every other word that came out of my oncologist's mouth became nothing more than monotonous jaw movements. I remember Ivan repeadivley asking me "are you ok?, are you ok?" In reply all I could say was, "Are you ok??"
And after snapping out of a moment of complete shock which seemed like a lifetime, I gathered myself together and started to write this blog.
I turned to God and placed complete and ultimate trust in a plan, future, and outcome only he knew. With every corner of faith I had in me I began a fight that has thankfully brought me to this exact day today. I've made it this far, and a few days ago I celebrated by 24th birthday, which was by far the most meaningful and beautiful birthday in my life! My family planned a surprise dinner for me, which was incredibly thoughtful.
Well enough with the sentimental part, because I know I can go on and on with all the amazing life experiences I've gained this past year...yet I don't need to because they are all kindly saved in this blog:) Let's get to the present and future excitements in my life. For one, my marathon training has been progressing! About 2 weeks ago I hit 8 miles!! I tell you all, I was in complete shock. I never thought that I would ever be able to come to the point where I could regain my strength and endurance to go 8 complete miles. If you remember my posts from when I was first receiving chemo, I could barley even make it out of bed, none the less take a shower without feeling like I was about to collapse. I remember thinking to myself, "I don't think I'm ever going to regain my strength." What seemed like an impossibility, has revealed itself to be one of my biggest accomplishments. Just a few more months of training to go until race day!! I can't wait to cross that finish line!
I also have some extremely exciting news for the future. I know I mentioned that I was beginning to look for a full-time teaching position for next year and, and I was applying everywhere, yet wasn't having any luck. Well, this past week I found out about a teaching position I applied for in San Jose, and I got it!!!! It's at an immersion charter school, which was what I was teaching last year before I became sick. The school seems perfect, and I can't wait to start in August! Of course that requires Ivan and I to move, but we were preparing ourselves to do so anyway.It was quite bitter sweet news. I have gotten acostomed to being around family all the time this past year, yet I know we will be visiting often. I just feel so incredibly blessed because I know God's hands were truly in the making. I just knew he would bring the right opportunity along when I was ready, and he has! So, tha means Ivan and I have the next few months to pan out all the small details and such, but we are so happy to be putting the pieces back together.
Ivan, my sister in law and I took a weekend trip to LA a few weeks ago to visit my good ole SF roomies. We had a great time, although most of our time was spent shoving delicious food in our face...I'm surprised we even conversed much with all the time that was spent chewing and demolishing LA's fine cuisine. It was great to see the girls and catch up, especially under better circumstances. Last time I was in LA I was bedridden, so I definetly appreciated seeing them out of that context.
Other than that, I've just been working. Still teaching at the after school program, which I feel my students are actually enjoying getting a consistent teacher who shows up everyday rather than from earliear in the year when I was missing so many days due to long term hospital days and sick days. I feel every time I update I have a new hobby I've picked up. Although the one I'm about to share is not a pastime I feel very proud of. I should technically be reading more, yet I've been indulging myself in a guilty pleasure called beauty YouTube videos...which I will say no more of since I'm deeply disappointed in myself in regards to how many countless hours I've spent with my pupils glued to a screen with girls talking about beauty products.
I'm off to bed! So utterly thankful to God for all of his grace and all of you who have read or are still reading my posts. You all know you have had some part in this long fight with me. Thank you for joining me! Keep following:)
And after snapping out of a moment of complete shock which seemed like a lifetime, I gathered myself together and started to write this blog.
I turned to God and placed complete and ultimate trust in a plan, future, and outcome only he knew. With every corner of faith I had in me I began a fight that has thankfully brought me to this exact day today. I've made it this far, and a few days ago I celebrated by 24th birthday, which was by far the most meaningful and beautiful birthday in my life! My family planned a surprise dinner for me, which was incredibly thoughtful.
Well enough with the sentimental part, because I know I can go on and on with all the amazing life experiences I've gained this past year...yet I don't need to because they are all kindly saved in this blog:) Let's get to the present and future excitements in my life. For one, my marathon training has been progressing! About 2 weeks ago I hit 8 miles!! I tell you all, I was in complete shock. I never thought that I would ever be able to come to the point where I could regain my strength and endurance to go 8 complete miles. If you remember my posts from when I was first receiving chemo, I could barley even make it out of bed, none the less take a shower without feeling like I was about to collapse. I remember thinking to myself, "I don't think I'm ever going to regain my strength." What seemed like an impossibility, has revealed itself to be one of my biggest accomplishments. Just a few more months of training to go until race day!! I can't wait to cross that finish line!
I also have some extremely exciting news for the future. I know I mentioned that I was beginning to look for a full-time teaching position for next year and, and I was applying everywhere, yet wasn't having any luck. Well, this past week I found out about a teaching position I applied for in San Jose, and I got it!!!! It's at an immersion charter school, which was what I was teaching last year before I became sick. The school seems perfect, and I can't wait to start in August! Of course that requires Ivan and I to move, but we were preparing ourselves to do so anyway.It was quite bitter sweet news. I have gotten acostomed to being around family all the time this past year, yet I know we will be visiting often. I just feel so incredibly blessed because I know God's hands were truly in the making. I just knew he would bring the right opportunity along when I was ready, and he has! So, tha means Ivan and I have the next few months to pan out all the small details and such, but we are so happy to be putting the pieces back together.
Ivan, my sister in law and I took a weekend trip to LA a few weeks ago to visit my good ole SF roomies. We had a great time, although most of our time was spent shoving delicious food in our face...I'm surprised we even conversed much with all the time that was spent chewing and demolishing LA's fine cuisine. It was great to see the girls and catch up, especially under better circumstances. Last time I was in LA I was bedridden, so I definetly appreciated seeing them out of that context.
Other than that, I've just been working. Still teaching at the after school program, which I feel my students are actually enjoying getting a consistent teacher who shows up everyday rather than from earliear in the year when I was missing so many days due to long term hospital days and sick days. I feel every time I update I have a new hobby I've picked up. Although the one I'm about to share is not a pastime I feel very proud of. I should technically be reading more, yet I've been indulging myself in a guilty pleasure called beauty YouTube videos...which I will say no more of since I'm deeply disappointed in myself in regards to how many countless hours I've spent with my pupils glued to a screen with girls talking about beauty products.
I'm off to bed! So utterly thankful to God for all of his grace and all of you who have read or are still reading my posts. You all know you have had some part in this long fight with me. Thank you for joining me! Keep following:)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I'm done! Hip hip, hooray!
And so the second phase of my treatment ends!! Goodbye to hospital stays, with mortifying cafeteria food, smelly sheets, loud hallways, beeping machines, sleepless nights, sad white walls, long boring days, poking needles, uncomfortable beds, and last and certainly least, IV pole. You will certainly not be missed! I know we had our many many days together, yet I wish to not drag you around anymore for I hope to be a very long time.
After coming home from my last hospital stay I was challenged by sick nauseous feelings, stomach aches, and loosing my excitement for food, which is by far the worst for me. Dr. Ivan of course had me on a strict schedule which was simple, yet so difficult for me to do, relax. After getting used to all the energy burning through my body these past few weeks I wanted to do the exact opposite. But, I knew the only way I was going to recover and get back to my skipping and jumping was by taking it easy and getting some much needed rest. So I did, and managed to quickly recover within a week :) just in time for a wine tasting party Ivan and I had planned on attending with some friends, which was a fantastic way to celebrate.
I also started a new additional job this past week as a tutor. My fist session went very well. I have a small group of kids twice a week that I will be tutoring in English. Hopefully I can find a teaching job for next year within these next couple of months. The market seems rather empty though, yet I'm sure the right opportunity will come along when it's supposed to.
I started my marathon training back up this past week. It was a little challenging after taking a week off, but became easier after the second day. I'm just glad and thankful I was able to feel well enough to go back to training! I will continue keeping you all updated on how that's going.
This past Wednesday Ivan surprised me with tickets to a Warriors basketball game. I've always wanted to go to a professional basketball game, and was so excited when I found out we were going to one. He had planned it with some friends of ours and made all the arrangements without me finding out. He even ordered us shirts to wear. He is not into the whole valentines day very much, which is fine because the game was way better than any box of chocolates or plush teddy bear!
Well, I must go to bed. Its way past my bedtime, and i must get some rest for my long day of training tomorrow. It feels so great to be done with the worst part of my treatment regimen. I definetly feel that things can and will only get better from here! God bless you all and keep following.
After coming home from my last hospital stay I was challenged by sick nauseous feelings, stomach aches, and loosing my excitement for food, which is by far the worst for me. Dr. Ivan of course had me on a strict schedule which was simple, yet so difficult for me to do, relax. After getting used to all the energy burning through my body these past few weeks I wanted to do the exact opposite. But, I knew the only way I was going to recover and get back to my skipping and jumping was by taking it easy and getting some much needed rest. So I did, and managed to quickly recover within a week :) just in time for a wine tasting party Ivan and I had planned on attending with some friends, which was a fantastic way to celebrate.
I also started a new additional job this past week as a tutor. My fist session went very well. I have a small group of kids twice a week that I will be tutoring in English. Hopefully I can find a teaching job for next year within these next couple of months. The market seems rather empty though, yet I'm sure the right opportunity will come along when it's supposed to.
I started my marathon training back up this past week. It was a little challenging after taking a week off, but became easier after the second day. I'm just glad and thankful I was able to feel well enough to go back to training! I will continue keeping you all updated on how that's going.
This past Wednesday Ivan surprised me with tickets to a Warriors basketball game. I've always wanted to go to a professional basketball game, and was so excited when I found out we were going to one. He had planned it with some friends of ours and made all the arrangements without me finding out. He even ordered us shirts to wear. He is not into the whole valentines day very much, which is fine because the game was way better than any box of chocolates or plush teddy bear!
Well, I must go to bed. Its way past my bedtime, and i must get some rest for my long day of training tomorrow. It feels so great to be done with the worst part of my treatment regimen. I definetly feel that things can and will only get better from here! God bless you all and keep following.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when I'm done!
Well, it happened. The displeasing ring from kaiser permanente sadly showed up on my phone yesterday afternoon. I mean, I knew it was coming. Last week my doctor called me to inform me that my counts as well as my liver had recovered enough for me to begin my final IV treatment. She was even so kind enough to give me the option to pick which day I preferred to be admitted the following week. I grunted in disapointment and replied "ummm I guess Thursday." I guess I wasn't lucky enough to get that late Christmas gift. But I guess it's good news afterall. I mean, it is the last (I hope)IV chemo treatment.
As I unenthusiastically packed my usual bag of clothing and belongings for my much dreaded 5 day stay at the Kaiser 3 star hotel, I couldn't help but fear the sick feeling of that poisonous bag of liquid dripping into me for the last time. I have been sticking to my marathon exercise plan, and feeling fantastic lately! I've had so much more energy and sleeping well at night. I'm scared for having to start all over again, and recuperating myself back up once again. But, "I have to get it done," I've been saying to myself. Afterall I can't stop when I'm tired, I must stop when I'm done (my friend Mena shared this quote with me the other day), and I'm certainly not done yet, so I must push through my tiredness and my feeling of giving up just as I have been while training for this marathon of mine.
With that thought, I got up this morning, ate breakfast, placed my running shoes on, headphones, and walked the crap out of this hospital. I walked and walked and walked. I felt like I was on one of my recent runs on my last lap feeling exhaustion at its fullest, yet the only thing keeping me from moving my legs is my mind and uplifting music telling me I can and will go further and finish. I must finish this last cycle, push through, stop complaining, and finish stronger than any race I've ever ran!
I have a new recent hobby development. That's right, another pastime to keep me occupied as I wait patiently for my life to restore itself back to the working full-time pattern. I'm sure most of you have heard about the clever little website called Pinterest that can suck the days out of your life. I'm a newbie to this website, and let me just say, it was made for people like me!! I mean it's pretty darn genius. Something so simple as sharing photos of just ideas via online boards has brought on an even larger desire for me to cook and make everything. Just this week alone I've cooked 4 recipes and made 2 crafts from this life changing website. I do not exagerate when I say its life changing. It has seriously changed my life. Yes, I know this may sound a little pathetic of me, but if you had the chance to try one of these delicious recipes I've discovered on here, would you change your mind?
Keep following! God Bless!
As I unenthusiastically packed my usual bag of clothing and belongings for my much dreaded 5 day stay at the Kaiser 3 star hotel, I couldn't help but fear the sick feeling of that poisonous bag of liquid dripping into me for the last time. I have been sticking to my marathon exercise plan, and feeling fantastic lately! I've had so much more energy and sleeping well at night. I'm scared for having to start all over again, and recuperating myself back up once again. But, "I have to get it done," I've been saying to myself. Afterall I can't stop when I'm tired, I must stop when I'm done (my friend Mena shared this quote with me the other day), and I'm certainly not done yet, so I must push through my tiredness and my feeling of giving up just as I have been while training for this marathon of mine.
With that thought, I got up this morning, ate breakfast, placed my running shoes on, headphones, and walked the crap out of this hospital. I walked and walked and walked. I felt like I was on one of my recent runs on my last lap feeling exhaustion at its fullest, yet the only thing keeping me from moving my legs is my mind and uplifting music telling me I can and will go further and finish. I must finish this last cycle, push through, stop complaining, and finish stronger than any race I've ever ran!
I have a new recent hobby development. That's right, another pastime to keep me occupied as I wait patiently for my life to restore itself back to the working full-time pattern. I'm sure most of you have heard about the clever little website called Pinterest that can suck the days out of your life. I'm a newbie to this website, and let me just say, it was made for people like me!! I mean it's pretty darn genius. Something so simple as sharing photos of just ideas via online boards has brought on an even larger desire for me to cook and make everything. Just this week alone I've cooked 4 recipes and made 2 crafts from this life changing website. I do not exagerate when I say its life changing. It has seriously changed my life. Yes, I know this may sound a little pathetic of me, but if you had the chance to try one of these delicious recipes I've discovered on here, would you change your mind?
Keep following! God Bless!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
It's a new year, hooray!!
It's 2012, and things are already looking so much brighter!! I've been afmb(away from my blog) for quite some time, I know:( so I have lots and lots to update you all on...so brace yourself! Since my last post Ive had an additional IV treatment which took place the second week of December. I was able to manage the nausea, but the constipation (tmi, I know) is always very uncomfortable. I received the treatment over a five day period, and boasted in excitement as I only had one more treatment to go!! Every week following this treatment I went in for labs, yet either my blood counts were still too low or my liver function was still a little too high or me to start up my last treatment.
Days....weeks...one month later, and I still have not received my last treatment. I'm not complaining, yet part of me jut wants to get it done and over with already. Two days ago my doctor said to me that if my liver function was still high and not progressing back to normal as quick as she'd like that she would just cancel my last IV treatment and just have me start on the oral chemo next month. I've been anxiously waiting for her call as if I was waiting to hear about an important job interview or something. Frankly, I'm pooped with having to be in the hospital so darn much and would just love her to say that my last treatment could just be cut as a late Christmas gift/early birthday gift. So until she calls,I will just be playing the waiting game and of course praying for a pass and go;)
On a different note, holidays were certainly tough without my dad. My family and I spent thanksgiving at my mother in laws house which was a nice change. My sisters and mom were not too enthusiastic about having it at my moms, so Ivan and I took on the hostess with the mostess role lol It went well, yet it was rather quite. Christmas was also rather different. Since Ivan and I didn't get a chance to go to his family's house for thanksgiving we decided to go to his family's for Christmas eve. After all, last year we did the whole split time between two families thing, and it was rather exhausting and rushed. Christmas day we decided to all volunteer at the Modesto gospel mission, which was great! It was certainly nice to share that experience on Christmas with my family. As a family we also decided not to do a gift exchange this year, rather purchase a gift for a needy child instead. My dad was always so giving, and always gave whatever he had to others. We felt we wanted to do something different this year in his honor. I definetly felt his presence though even if he wasn't physically around.
New years eve I stayed in and cooked. Ivan and I went to a raiders game on new years day and tailgated, so Nayra (my sister in law) and I pulled pork all night for the big game. I went back to work at the after school program this past week, and these thriving attitude teenagers are already driving me nuts! But, I try my best to hang in there and teach. I've been applying for other jobs as well. I was hoping I could start going back to work full time once I hear back from my doctor about this last treatment. I haven't had any luck thus far, but I'm sure the right opportunity will come along when it's supposed to. In the meantime, Ive been keeping myself occupied with my usual hobbies. I've even started running...yes running if you can believe it or not. Back in November I started taking our dog for walks, and trying to jog just a little. I've been going just a little further every time. The first time I was barely able to walk half of a mile, and now im almost at 4 miles jogging straight without stopping!! My sister Sovia has even signed up all my sisters and I to take part in the rock and roll marathon in San Diego this June! So, I'm going to do it! I said I was going to run a marathon this year, so I'm gonna do it(well, half that is;))!! My friend Mena has been training with me, which makes it more enjoyable. We push each other through the pain and sweat. I'm so excited, and have been feeling more and more energized since I've started the training.
Also, the wig has (hopefully) officially come off! My hair has managed to grow back just a tad and not fall off with the previous treatments, so I'm trying to get used to the short boy cut. I'm rather tired of the itchy wig after all these months:( hopefully it can manage to at least stay this length through the oral chemo so I don't have to put the raggedy hair nest back on.
Well, I think that's about it. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed holiday season and have started this new year off healthy and happy! I know I have;) Just living life more fully for today, because we never know about tomorrow!
Keep following! God bless!
Days....weeks...one month later, and I still have not received my last treatment. I'm not complaining, yet part of me jut wants to get it done and over with already. Two days ago my doctor said to me that if my liver function was still high and not progressing back to normal as quick as she'd like that she would just cancel my last IV treatment and just have me start on the oral chemo next month. I've been anxiously waiting for her call as if I was waiting to hear about an important job interview or something. Frankly, I'm pooped with having to be in the hospital so darn much and would just love her to say that my last treatment could just be cut as a late Christmas gift/early birthday gift. So until she calls,I will just be playing the waiting game and of course praying for a pass and go;)
On a different note, holidays were certainly tough without my dad. My family and I spent thanksgiving at my mother in laws house which was a nice change. My sisters and mom were not too enthusiastic about having it at my moms, so Ivan and I took on the hostess with the mostess role lol It went well, yet it was rather quite. Christmas was also rather different. Since Ivan and I didn't get a chance to go to his family's house for thanksgiving we decided to go to his family's for Christmas eve. After all, last year we did the whole split time between two families thing, and it was rather exhausting and rushed. Christmas day we decided to all volunteer at the Modesto gospel mission, which was great! It was certainly nice to share that experience on Christmas with my family. As a family we also decided not to do a gift exchange this year, rather purchase a gift for a needy child instead. My dad was always so giving, and always gave whatever he had to others. We felt we wanted to do something different this year in his honor. I definetly felt his presence though even if he wasn't physically around.
New years eve I stayed in and cooked. Ivan and I went to a raiders game on new years day and tailgated, so Nayra (my sister in law) and I pulled pork all night for the big game. I went back to work at the after school program this past week, and these thriving attitude teenagers are already driving me nuts! But, I try my best to hang in there and teach. I've been applying for other jobs as well. I was hoping I could start going back to work full time once I hear back from my doctor about this last treatment. I haven't had any luck thus far, but I'm sure the right opportunity will come along when it's supposed to. In the meantime, Ive been keeping myself occupied with my usual hobbies. I've even started running...yes running if you can believe it or not. Back in November I started taking our dog for walks, and trying to jog just a little. I've been going just a little further every time. The first time I was barely able to walk half of a mile, and now im almost at 4 miles jogging straight without stopping!! My sister Sovia has even signed up all my sisters and I to take part in the rock and roll marathon in San Diego this June! So, I'm going to do it! I said I was going to run a marathon this year, so I'm gonna do it(well, half that is;))!! My friend Mena has been training with me, which makes it more enjoyable. We push each other through the pain and sweat. I'm so excited, and have been feeling more and more energized since I've started the training.
Also, the wig has (hopefully) officially come off! My hair has managed to grow back just a tad and not fall off with the previous treatments, so I'm trying to get used to the short boy cut. I'm rather tired of the itchy wig after all these months:( hopefully it can manage to at least stay this length through the oral chemo so I don't have to put the raggedy hair nest back on.
Well, I think that's about it. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed holiday season and have started this new year off healthy and happy! I know I have;) Just living life more fully for today, because we never know about tomorrow!
Keep following! God bless!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
2012 will be a much better year!
And so the end of my IV chemo cycles is approaching, and I couldn't feel more happy and blessed that I've made it this far. Im in the hospital once again for the second half of my fifth cycle, and after this cycle is complete I will only have one left! Im sensing the year 2012 will be a much better year for me. Not that this past year wasn't full of positive learning experiences and beautiful God given memories, yet I'm looking forward to the part where I will have to spend less time in a hospital and more time rebuilding my life with the new I have gained through this endeavor. Im excited, dare I say it...to go back to work full time! Yes, I know that must sound weird to most of you out there who are working full time jobs with long days wishing for the slim chance of an upcoming vacation or an opportunity to have at least one day off where you can do absolutely nothing...but let me tell you from experience, it can get boring. And though I have found numerous ways to keep myself occupied while I'm getting my treatments, I almost always wish I was working instead. But who knows, I might wish to be back in this place once I do start working more, we always seem to want what we don't have...
The holidays are coming up quickly, and Im excited to eat all the delicious food! This year is definitely going to be strange without my dad. I think all of my family, especially my mom, are nervous for what the days will feel like with him not present. My sisters and mom have requested we have a change from where we usually have thanksgiving at,( at my moms or sisters) to establish the change. They suggested we have it at Ivan's mom's. I'm up for the change in atmosphere, I'm just hoping we can all hold ourselves together. Just the other day after going to mass with the family we decided to go and eat at la perla tapateia. It's a Mexican food products store that also sells pre cooked dishes. This was one of my dads favorite places to get his menudo fix. As we sat there eating, my sister recalled my dads last meal there, which took place two days before he passed. "He happily had some mole and sat in this spot exactly" my sister recalled. At that moment I couldn't help but remember his laugh and memorable sayings about food. He absolutely loved food, just like me:) I miss him...sooo darn much. Things won't ever be the same without him, and that's difficult to accept at times.
I will most likely be getting out tomorrow! I can not wait! This whole being trapped in a hospital thing every other week is driving me crazy! Keep following and God bless!
The holidays are coming up quickly, and Im excited to eat all the delicious food! This year is definitely going to be strange without my dad. I think all of my family, especially my mom, are nervous for what the days will feel like with him not present. My sisters and mom have requested we have a change from where we usually have thanksgiving at,( at my moms or sisters) to establish the change. They suggested we have it at Ivan's mom's. I'm up for the change in atmosphere, I'm just hoping we can all hold ourselves together. Just the other day after going to mass with the family we decided to go and eat at la perla tapateia. It's a Mexican food products store that also sells pre cooked dishes. This was one of my dads favorite places to get his menudo fix. As we sat there eating, my sister recalled my dads last meal there, which took place two days before he passed. "He happily had some mole and sat in this spot exactly" my sister recalled. At that moment I couldn't help but remember his laugh and memorable sayings about food. He absolutely loved food, just like me:) I miss him...sooo darn much. Things won't ever be the same without him, and that's difficult to accept at times.
I will most likely be getting out tomorrow! I can not wait! This whole being trapped in a hospital thing every other week is driving me crazy! Keep following and God bless!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Light among darkness
I had my fourth cycle of chemo September 12-15. It was a long working week for me! On the bright side getting infused with chemo everyday for 6 hours allowed me to catch up on my reading;) I've been determined to lay off the junkie t.v. The week went well, by the time Thursday came around I was so ecstatic, I was free! It felt like i was in elementary school again on the last day of school, only in this picture the nurses were the teachers. And they weren't saying see you next year rather "see you on your next cycle!" And like any normal elementary school kid who just started their summer, I wanted the festivities to begin! That Friday a couple of my girlfriends and I had a falafel night. My friend Antonia had made them for me before, and we both thought it would be fun to make a girls night out of it. The crunchy yet moist little things are quite the challenge to make, yet so worth the explosive taste party in your mouth.
Ivan had Monday off so we decided to go on a lunch date. We attempted to feast on as many possible food items with the least amount of money. Since ive been back in Modesto I've been noticing all these new places to dine I had never noticed before. I'm a huge yelper, who likes to research new places to eat and closely looks into the reviews. I guess I am a foodie, you can call it, but not an extreme foodie who has tasted every exotic edible thing in the world. I hope to reach that point one day. Any who, I told Ivan about my aid research about some cheap bites I read about yelp that I wanted to try. He was actually excited about the idea, which is a bit sup rising since he isn't always in the "mood" to try new foods. He is far from being a foodie like me, yet I have gotten him to expand his taste pallet just a tad since we have been together. I like to take credit for the new cuisine he has tried and enjoyed:) Our Monday lunch date concluded with us eating: 1 Vietnamese saigon sandwich, 5 baby egg rolls, 2 cheesecake cupcakes, and 1 piña colada snow cone all for 10 dollars. We felt quite accomplished by our savings, never the less more by how much we indulged in. I guess Modesto has some secret food gems after all...
Its been two weeks since, and I still have not published this post. I ended up getting a fever two days later that required me to go into the emergency room. I was feeling terribly achey and shivering with chills. I assumed it was another infection, and sure enough I was right:( I was started on antibiotics right away. My fevers continued through the weekend even with receiving the antibiotics. I was beginning to worry considering last time I as stuck in the hospital with ecoli, I was able to recover within 5 days. My counts ( white blood cell) were not rising very much or at all. After 5 days my oncologist called me and explained to me that the chemo I had the previous week was a really strong dosage that was going to result in a longer time for me to recuperate from. She stated that most patients take an average of 20 days for their bodies WBC to recuperate and for infections to diminish. I was completely saddened by this news considering I hate being hospitalized. The rest of my stay dragged on. I was given a total of 2 blood transfusions and 4 platelet transfusions during my stay. This time around I also developed several mouth sores that made it difficult for me to each much due to the pain. I was stuck eating applesauce, jellos, soups, and fruit cups for most of my stay until the sores healed.
Thankfully, my body kicked in and I was surprisingly released on Saturday after 10 days of being enclosed in despair. My friend Vhantelle and her husband came to visit me as a surprise from La, which was a wonderful surprise. Although I was instructed by my doctor not to go to any public areas and stay inside, I enjoyed catching up with my friends. I felt completely exhausted on Sunday. I didn't make it out of bed much, except to eat three meals. The rest of the week was spent rather the same. Sleeping, eating, sleeping. I couldn't bring myself to do much more. The only time I left the house was to attend to blood draw appointments I had all week. My counts were still under normal level, so any time I left our room I had to be wearing a mask for my protection. I hate being in isolation and not being able to enjoy the outside world. A few nights that week I found myself crying in sadness and anger, thinking how unfair it was that I had to be trapped inside for so long. Thoughts of how badly I wished I was living my old life before I was diagnosed came flushing through my mind. Wishing things were just different." I hate these treatments!" is all I kept feeling. Just as I try and make my life a little more normal by going back to work and making myself useful, it all gets yielded by this terrible illness. It's not fair, yet I can't do anything to change it but keep going.
By the end of the week my counts finally restored back to normal. And as I celebrated by going outside finally with no mask to a movie, I couldn't help but think I would soon be back in that sad trapped place again within the next few weeks for another dreadful treatment. As much as I'm happy I'm feeling stronger with my engery back I can't help but dread the feeling of it being taking away again, leaving me to the difficult battle of getting it back. Im two chemo cycles away from starting oral chemo(which I hope will be more mangle) yet the finish line seems just so far away still. I wish I could just close my eyes and open them back up to it being all over. But I can't. I have to move forward. I know there is still much to learn from all this. God continues to reveal new things to me even through all my pain, anger, sadness and darkness. For one, that he's been present in my darkest moments, and will always lead me out to the light. I know this because as I lied in my bed in sadness this past week not wanting to write/blog out of anger and sadness I'm writing now...out of the darkness and once again in
the light. I've been lead out once again, and Im sure God will continue leading me out through not only my next 2 cycles of chemo, but until I'm completely done fighting this illness. I just know it.
Ivan had Monday off so we decided to go on a lunch date. We attempted to feast on as many possible food items with the least amount of money. Since ive been back in Modesto I've been noticing all these new places to dine I had never noticed before. I'm a huge yelper, who likes to research new places to eat and closely looks into the reviews. I guess I am a foodie, you can call it, but not an extreme foodie who has tasted every exotic edible thing in the world. I hope to reach that point one day. Any who, I told Ivan about my aid research about some cheap bites I read about yelp that I wanted to try. He was actually excited about the idea, which is a bit sup rising since he isn't always in the "mood" to try new foods. He is far from being a foodie like me, yet I have gotten him to expand his taste pallet just a tad since we have been together. I like to take credit for the new cuisine he has tried and enjoyed:) Our Monday lunch date concluded with us eating: 1 Vietnamese saigon sandwich, 5 baby egg rolls, 2 cheesecake cupcakes, and 1 piña colada snow cone all for 10 dollars. We felt quite accomplished by our savings, never the less more by how much we indulged in. I guess Modesto has some secret food gems after all...
Its been two weeks since, and I still have not published this post. I ended up getting a fever two days later that required me to go into the emergency room. I was feeling terribly achey and shivering with chills. I assumed it was another infection, and sure enough I was right:( I was started on antibiotics right away. My fevers continued through the weekend even with receiving the antibiotics. I was beginning to worry considering last time I as stuck in the hospital with ecoli, I was able to recover within 5 days. My counts ( white blood cell) were not rising very much or at all. After 5 days my oncologist called me and explained to me that the chemo I had the previous week was a really strong dosage that was going to result in a longer time for me to recuperate from. She stated that most patients take an average of 20 days for their bodies WBC to recuperate and for infections to diminish. I was completely saddened by this news considering I hate being hospitalized. The rest of my stay dragged on. I was given a total of 2 blood transfusions and 4 platelet transfusions during my stay. This time around I also developed several mouth sores that made it difficult for me to each much due to the pain. I was stuck eating applesauce, jellos, soups, and fruit cups for most of my stay until the sores healed.
Thankfully, my body kicked in and I was surprisingly released on Saturday after 10 days of being enclosed in despair. My friend Vhantelle and her husband came to visit me as a surprise from La, which was a wonderful surprise. Although I was instructed by my doctor not to go to any public areas and stay inside, I enjoyed catching up with my friends. I felt completely exhausted on Sunday. I didn't make it out of bed much, except to eat three meals. The rest of the week was spent rather the same. Sleeping, eating, sleeping. I couldn't bring myself to do much more. The only time I left the house was to attend to blood draw appointments I had all week. My counts were still under normal level, so any time I left our room I had to be wearing a mask for my protection. I hate being in isolation and not being able to enjoy the outside world. A few nights that week I found myself crying in sadness and anger, thinking how unfair it was that I had to be trapped inside for so long. Thoughts of how badly I wished I was living my old life before I was diagnosed came flushing through my mind. Wishing things were just different." I hate these treatments!" is all I kept feeling. Just as I try and make my life a little more normal by going back to work and making myself useful, it all gets yielded by this terrible illness. It's not fair, yet I can't do anything to change it but keep going.
By the end of the week my counts finally restored back to normal. And as I celebrated by going outside finally with no mask to a movie, I couldn't help but think I would soon be back in that sad trapped place again within the next few weeks for another dreadful treatment. As much as I'm happy I'm feeling stronger with my engery back I can't help but dread the feeling of it being taking away again, leaving me to the difficult battle of getting it back. Im two chemo cycles away from starting oral chemo(which I hope will be more mangle) yet the finish line seems just so far away still. I wish I could just close my eyes and open them back up to it being all over. But I can't. I have to move forward. I know there is still much to learn from all this. God continues to reveal new things to me even through all my pain, anger, sadness and darkness. For one, that he's been present in my darkest moments, and will always lead me out to the light. I know this because as I lied in my bed in sadness this past week not wanting to write/blog out of anger and sadness I'm writing now...out of the darkness and once again in
the light. I've been lead out once again, and Im sure God will continue leading me out through not only my next 2 cycles of chemo, but until I'm completely done fighting this illness. I just know it.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Steady steady
I had chemo yesterday. The chemo I missed since I was unexpectedly hospitalized for the infection I got. I was scheduled to have chemo four days this week to start a new cycle, but it got pushed back two weeks. I'm relieved, yet part if me wanted to just get it over with. I'm itching for the end ofthe year to come, so I can just be done with all these intensive treatments. Last week I started a job as an after school program teacher. I was hired only a few days before I started and had an orientation the day before my first day. It's only three days a week for about an our and a half. It's the perfect amount for me right now, since treatments can sometimes hog up my schedule. So far the job is treating me well. I have 8th graders, which can be a pain at times, especially since it's at the end of the day. The last thing an 8th grader wants to do is go to an additional class at the end of the school day. It's going to be a challenge to find entertaining ways to teach these kids.
Other than the new job, life has been pretty steady. This past weekend my friend Sarah and I took a spontaneous trip to meet our friend Suzy in Pismo Beach. I say spontaneous because I can't really make plans ahead of time with this illness. Anything can happen, so I told the girls I wouldn't know if I could go until Friday after my appointment with my oncologist. Since everything looked good on Friday, I was given the ok! It was a rather short, yet worth wild trip. Sarah and I left Friday evening, drove four hours, ate dinner with Sue, got up had breakfast, took a stroll on the beach, had lunch, and headed back by 4. It went by incredibly fast, but it was worth the short trip to see Suzy. I miss my San Francisco roomies!
This Saturday we are having our first annual regalado family reunion! I am super excited to meet family I've never met, and see those that I have not seen a very long time. The rest of this week my sisters and I will be putting together last minute details for Saturday, so wish us luck!
I hope you all are doing well, keep following and God bless!
Other than the new job, life has been pretty steady. This past weekend my friend Sarah and I took a spontaneous trip to meet our friend Suzy in Pismo Beach. I say spontaneous because I can't really make plans ahead of time with this illness. Anything can happen, so I told the girls I wouldn't know if I could go until Friday after my appointment with my oncologist. Since everything looked good on Friday, I was given the ok! It was a rather short, yet worth wild trip. Sarah and I left Friday evening, drove four hours, ate dinner with Sue, got up had breakfast, took a stroll on the beach, had lunch, and headed back by 4. It went by incredibly fast, but it was worth the short trip to see Suzy. I miss my San Francisco roomies!
This Saturday we are having our first annual regalado family reunion! I am super excited to meet family I've never met, and see those that I have not seen a very long time. The rest of this week my sisters and I will be putting together last minute details for Saturday, so wish us luck!
I hope you all are doing well, keep following and God bless!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Here is link to story on Univision!
http://univisionsacramento.univision.com/videos/video/2011-08-17/valiente-maestra-combate-leucemia-gracias
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Stay away Ecoli!!
Finding ways to keep myself occupied has become easier. I've been trying to catch up with friends and family a lot which is incredibly nice:) my oldest niece started high school this past week...yikes, I can not believe it!! In only 4 years she will be going to college, geez I was just college! As everyone is beginning to start school and classes, I can't help but think of what I would be doing to prepare for the school year as a teacher. This time last year was madness, being it was my first year in my own classroom. I was living day by day, figuring out lessons by the skin of my teeth, but it was exciting and I'm missing that feeling this time of the year.
Ivan and I even managed to have a little movie date ourselves this past week which was much needed. he has been working several 12 hour graveyard shifts, which makes it difficult for us to spend time together. My mom has also been doing better thispast week as well. She gave us all a little scare due to her high blood pressure. My sister Hilda took her to the doctor to get medication to control her blood pressure. She has been going out for two walks a day, which is fantastic! It makes me happy to see her caring for herself and doing her best to continue living as best as she can without my dad. The other Sunday we took a family visit to my dad's grave. My sister Sovia bought us all lottery scratchers to scratch. My mom was the lucky one and won a ticket! We all thought it was a sign from my dad telling her she should go to the casino!! My dad loved going to the casino, although he always lost:(
I began to feel strangely tired by the end of the week. On Saturday I went to pleasonton with my friend Alyssa to pick up her wedding dress. When I came home I felt rather tired so I took a nap. I woke up with a fever of 102, and began to think something wasn't right. My sister in law Nayra took me into the ER. Since the chemo compromises my immune system, and sign of infection can be dangerous for me. I thought the fever rooted from being in the heat, but it didn't turn out as I thought. I ended up being admitted for not only observation, but for a platelet transfusion. I was quickly started on antibiotics to help my body fight whatever infection I had. Today is Wednesday, and I am still here hospitalized, hoping to get discharged today! I turns out I caught ecoli. Which isn't good, but also not an aggressive infection to kill. It most likely came from something I ate, which is definitely going to make me even more paranoid on what I'm eating. I'm just happy the infection wasn't from my port...I was dreading having to get it removed after the pain I endured to get it placed.
Although I wasn't too happy about an unexpected hospital stay, I'm happy I will be leaving today! This illness truly just knows how to interupt my life in every aspect....grrrrr:( praise God for no complications!
P.s. I had five minutes of fame yesterday! A Spanish television network named univision ran a story on me on t.v. Last night! Every year they have a blood drive, and since I've been a recipient of my fare share of blood transfusions, they asked if they could interview me. Quite exciting!
Keep following, God Bless!!
Ivan and I even managed to have a little movie date ourselves this past week which was much needed. he has been working several 12 hour graveyard shifts, which makes it difficult for us to spend time together. My mom has also been doing better thispast week as well. She gave us all a little scare due to her high blood pressure. My sister Hilda took her to the doctor to get medication to control her blood pressure. She has been going out for two walks a day, which is fantastic! It makes me happy to see her caring for herself and doing her best to continue living as best as she can without my dad. The other Sunday we took a family visit to my dad's grave. My sister Sovia bought us all lottery scratchers to scratch. My mom was the lucky one and won a ticket! We all thought it was a sign from my dad telling her she should go to the casino!! My dad loved going to the casino, although he always lost:(
I began to feel strangely tired by the end of the week. On Saturday I went to pleasonton with my friend Alyssa to pick up her wedding dress. When I came home I felt rather tired so I took a nap. I woke up with a fever of 102, and began to think something wasn't right. My sister in law Nayra took me into the ER. Since the chemo compromises my immune system, and sign of infection can be dangerous for me. I thought the fever rooted from being in the heat, but it didn't turn out as I thought. I ended up being admitted for not only observation, but for a platelet transfusion. I was quickly started on antibiotics to help my body fight whatever infection I had. Today is Wednesday, and I am still here hospitalized, hoping to get discharged today! I turns out I caught ecoli. Which isn't good, but also not an aggressive infection to kill. It most likely came from something I ate, which is definitely going to make me even more paranoid on what I'm eating. I'm just happy the infection wasn't from my port...I was dreading having to get it removed after the pain I endured to get it placed.
Although I wasn't too happy about an unexpected hospital stay, I'm happy I will be leaving today! This illness truly just knows how to interupt my life in every aspect....grrrrr:( praise God for no complications!
P.s. I had five minutes of fame yesterday! A Spanish television network named univision ran a story on me on t.v. Last night! Every year they have a blood drive, and since I've been a recipient of my fare share of blood transfusions, they asked if they could interview me. Quite exciting!
Keep following, God Bless!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My new found hobbies;)
Days are beginning to quickly trickle like a set of long organized dominoes that have been set off to fall. I feel as though I tapped my finger on the domino at th end as soon as I was released from my long hospital stay in baldwipark, and the days are just rapidly stacking upon one another. I just can't believe how fast 4 months have flown by, and how far I've traveled in this process to get treated. I know everyone always says, time/life goes by so fast, I can truly atest to that statement! My list of procedures I must get through continues to shrink, and that my friends makes me excited! I don't get the sense of missing my old life before I was stricken by this cancer anymore. I have made it my friend, as strange as that sounds, and have accepted it into my life. As evil as the life threatening illness is, it has taught me a great deal. Lessons about life, family, and people I wouldn't have learned from any other life encounter. It's part if my life now, it's me. I remember recalling moments in the hospital writing about the times I would feel glimses of "me" when I was not as sick, energetic, and felt...normal. I dont get those short glimses of feeling me anymore. I now feel me all the time, and only get short glimses when i remember that I'm fightig this cancer. It's incredible how much I've been blessed in being able to continue on with my life, perhaps not quite as it was prior to being diagnosed with leukemia, but just a little more interesting:)
Last week was remarkable at the art camp! I was given the opportunity to teach four classes all revolving around the theme of printmaking. It was just a fantastic feeling being up in front of a classroom teaching again! I was as if I had just placed down an important piece to the puzzle that had been missing for months. My puzzle, or should I say"life" just felt that much more closer to feeling complete. I feel so darn lucky to have found this wonderful gallery/art school that was willing to give me what I was missing. I felt so productive for these past two weeks...I was actually working!! A word I had not used in my verbal vocabulary in a long time. It felt so incredibly strange to be saying"well, I'm off to work!" haha seriously it was both weird, yet a good feeling at the same time. The only thing that was not pleasant these past two weeks was my tired feet. I didn't realize I was not used to standing so many hours anymore...ouch, that's all I have to say!
I've picked up a few new hobbies these past few weeks amongst my goal of keeping myself occupied. Cooking is one of them. I kid you not I have spent countless hours watching the food network and looking up recipes online trying to perfect new foods, which I can proudly say I have! Not all the new cuisines ive made have worked out, but a majority have! I've become a little obsessed...I've even fascinated about the idea of going to culinary school and opening up an international food truck here in Modesto. It's a crazy idea, but all the cooking challenges on these shows inspire me try all these new flavors that make the experIence rather enjoyable. Of course, I only get those feelings after I make a new dish that actually turned out well. Intermingled in between my science cooking lab in the kitchen, I've also started to bike. I have been stuck on the idea of getting a bike to help build my muscle back up, so I can eventually be able to run again. I went on a pre determined trip to wal-mart to get a bike with my lovely friend Mena. With help of my overly encouraging self, I managed to sway my darling friend to splurge on a bike as well. She had been wanting a bike as well, but I secretly also wanted a biking buddy;) It was rather easy to make an argument to purchase the bike with that thought in my mind. We both got beach cruisers, which highly resemble the bike of a seven year, in words of Ivan. He laughed at the sight of it commenting on the bright turquoise color and painted posies. I honeslty didn't care about his opinion. He had suggested I get a mountain bike, but I was convinced the bigger seat on the cruiser would be far more comfortable, which is! As Mena and I take our strolls on our vibrant childish cruisers, I can't help but think of the popular Now and Then movie. Boy do I need to find us some baskets and a radio!! Any who, I love my new bike, and am looking forward to many more rides with my biking buddy (Mena).
I started my new cycle of chemo yesterday. So far I have been feeling alright, I'm hoping things continue to run this way. Luckily, this cycle is outpatient, so I get to go home after I receive the treatment!! I'm not sure I could do another hospital stay after the past two without a break. I'm getting a second dose of the daneurubacin chemo, which is the very first treatment I received back in Baldwin park. It made me really sick the first time, so I hope it's a little better the second time around. My hair started to grow back which surprised me. I still do not have as much hair as Ivan though. Not sure if it will fall out again with this treatment, guess we will have to wait and see...sorry it took me so long to update you all! Keep following! God bless!
Last week was remarkable at the art camp! I was given the opportunity to teach four classes all revolving around the theme of printmaking. It was just a fantastic feeling being up in front of a classroom teaching again! I was as if I had just placed down an important piece to the puzzle that had been missing for months. My puzzle, or should I say"life" just felt that much more closer to feeling complete. I feel so darn lucky to have found this wonderful gallery/art school that was willing to give me what I was missing. I felt so productive for these past two weeks...I was actually working!! A word I had not used in my verbal vocabulary in a long time. It felt so incredibly strange to be saying"well, I'm off to work!" haha seriously it was both weird, yet a good feeling at the same time. The only thing that was not pleasant these past two weeks was my tired feet. I didn't realize I was not used to standing so many hours anymore...ouch, that's all I have to say!
I've picked up a few new hobbies these past few weeks amongst my goal of keeping myself occupied. Cooking is one of them. I kid you not I have spent countless hours watching the food network and looking up recipes online trying to perfect new foods, which I can proudly say I have! Not all the new cuisines ive made have worked out, but a majority have! I've become a little obsessed...I've even fascinated about the idea of going to culinary school and opening up an international food truck here in Modesto. It's a crazy idea, but all the cooking challenges on these shows inspire me try all these new flavors that make the experIence rather enjoyable. Of course, I only get those feelings after I make a new dish that actually turned out well. Intermingled in between my science cooking lab in the kitchen, I've also started to bike. I have been stuck on the idea of getting a bike to help build my muscle back up, so I can eventually be able to run again. I went on a pre determined trip to wal-mart to get a bike with my lovely friend Mena. With help of my overly encouraging self, I managed to sway my darling friend to splurge on a bike as well. She had been wanting a bike as well, but I secretly also wanted a biking buddy;) It was rather easy to make an argument to purchase the bike with that thought in my mind. We both got beach cruisers, which highly resemble the bike of a seven year, in words of Ivan. He laughed at the sight of it commenting on the bright turquoise color and painted posies. I honeslty didn't care about his opinion. He had suggested I get a mountain bike, but I was convinced the bigger seat on the cruiser would be far more comfortable, which is! As Mena and I take our strolls on our vibrant childish cruisers, I can't help but think of the popular Now and Then movie. Boy do I need to find us some baskets and a radio!! Any who, I love my new bike, and am looking forward to many more rides with my biking buddy (Mena).
I started my new cycle of chemo yesterday. So far I have been feeling alright, I'm hoping things continue to run this way. Luckily, this cycle is outpatient, so I get to go home after I receive the treatment!! I'm not sure I could do another hospital stay after the past two without a break. I'm getting a second dose of the daneurubacin chemo, which is the very first treatment I received back in Baldwin park. It made me really sick the first time, so I hope it's a little better the second time around. My hair started to grow back which surprised me. I still do not have as much hair as Ivan though. Not sure if it will fall out again with this treatment, guess we will have to wait and see...sorry it took me so long to update you all! Keep following! God bless!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The secret gem of marriage...
My hospital stay came to an end, and I couldnt be any happier! The more times I have to be hospitalized, the more I'm thankful for the days I'm not there. Gosh, how great is it to not have to be in the same room all day!! Freedom never tasted as sweet as it does now! The day after I was released from my "second home" Ivan and I went to napa followed by lake Tahoe:) I couldn't be more excited to celebrate our one year anniversary!! The year had flown by, and I couldn't help but think of how much had changed within just a year. After only 9 months of marriage, Ivan and I were confronted with one of our biggest challenges yet. An unexpected life occurrence that has truly tested the strength of our commitment to one another. Going through this challenge with Ivan has shined a new light of what marriage means. Marriage is saying yes to everything! Even yes to illness. Ivan could have easily chosen to say no and walk away to what seemed like an impossible relationship to hold...but he didn't! He said yes! He said yes and accepted my illness, my 6 week hospital stay, yes to never leaving my side, yes to all the side affects that came from the illness, even my bald head. He has said yes to working more while I'm not being able to, yes to giving up our apartment, yes to living with less, yes to taking me to constant doctor appointments....he has said yes to absolutely everything!! And that I believe is what a marriage is. As amateur as I may sound, since ive only been married for a year; this is perhaps the most valuable gem I have discovered in having a successful marriage. I'm so incredibly thankful god has revealed this gem through Ivan to me after only a year! He must certainly be rooting for us;)
I started my new job yesterday and I absolutely love it!! Not only am I thankful to be getting out of the house, but I get to be around art and kids, my two favorites! It's so great to be in a classroom again. It makes me feel like I'm gaining a piece of what I lost. I will get to teach 2 lessons next week, which I can't wait for. I'm looking forward to the incredible feeling I get being in front of a classroom feeding new knowledge into my students, there is nothing that excites me more;)
Amen for our passions, and for having the ability to share them with others!
I started my new job yesterday and I absolutely love it!! Not only am I thankful to be getting out of the house, but I get to be around art and kids, my two favorites! It's so great to be in a classroom again. It makes me feel like I'm gaining a piece of what I lost. I will get to teach 2 lessons next week, which I can't wait for. I'm looking forward to the incredible feeling I get being in front of a classroom feeding new knowledge into my students, there is nothing that excites me more;)
Amen for our passions, and for having the ability to share them with others!
Friday, July 8, 2011
No more smelly sheets
The hospital sheets here have a distinct smell. By distinct, I don't mean in a good way. They smell like....a hospital. It's not a strong intolerable pungent smell, but odd and hospital like. It sort of resembles the smell of a convalescent home or a home that hasn't been lived in for months. Since I was to stay in this mobile bed for the week I wanted to make it as comfortable as possible so I asked Ivan to please bring me a pillow and blanket from home today. I feel so much more comfortable with a touch from home. Besides the smelly sheets, which are now in the past, my stay has been good. Of course I don't get any sleep during the night, but that's pretty common during all my hospital stays. The nurses have to monitor the ph level of my urine to make sure my organs are functioning appropriately which requires me to give them a pee sample every four hours. I was in the deepest sleep last night having an intense dream, which was sadly interrupted by a shake from my nurse. I was able to easily fall back asleep, but then shaken again for another pee test at 6. Of course breakfast arrives soon at 8, and the internal medicine doctors begin to drop by to check in with me and I'm tired as heck. They expect me to be lively and awake, which is the exact opposite of how I feel. One even commented, "aww are you being a sleepy head today?" rude! Yes I am being a sleepy head, so let my head sleep away! I hate these pee test!
This stay seems to be going by a lot slower than last time:( I hope it starts to speed up soon! Ivan and I's 1 year anniversary is on Sunday and we are hoping I can be out soon after so we can celebrate!
Just a few more days...
This stay seems to be going by a lot slower than last time:( I hope it starts to speed up soon! Ivan and I's 1 year anniversary is on Sunday and we are hoping I can be out soon after so we can celebrate!
Just a few more days...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My short week of freedom
My week of freedom has soon come to an end. I go back for another week long stay at my second home tomorrow. The only thing I'm looking forward to about staying in a hospital all week is the nice AC. I will be escaping the desert like one hundred degree days of Motown this week!! Besides sweating my pits off all week during my week of liberty I discovered a new medium in art to work with! My friend Sarah invited me to an art store she had a gift card for, which turned into a new art addiction. There was a beautiful piece of art work hanging behind the woman who was helping us at the register. I asked the woman who the piece was by, and she proudly pointed out that she had done it. I was amazed by her talent and quickly asked her if she could reveal her secret of how she gave the piece it's vivid texture. She smiled as she lead the way to a corner of beautiful colored paper. The method seemed so simple yet so artistically genius. Sarah and I were in art heaven. We brainstormed pieces we could make by matching the colored paper together. We both left the store spending more than we wanted to, but completly inspired and motivated to make new art. That day I came home and quickly began mod podgeing (glue) the colored paper together. I was so into the piece I soon realized 4hours had passed and I had not eaten dinner. A lot more mod podgeing (this is what im calling it)occurred over the next few days. As soon as I introduced the strategy to my artistically inclined niece, she wanted to start her own project as well. Mod podge is taking over my life!
Besides mod podgeing, I had a weekend filled with lots of family time. It was my niece Joci's b-day on Saturday. My sister planned her a hawaian themed party with a trip to the bowling alley as well. I had a good time watching all the kids struggle to pick up bowling balls and try to skillfully drop the ball down the aisle. My poor niece Cristal who is only five, had the hardest time picking up the oversized ball. Ironic enough she managed to pick up the ball and wobble her way to the aisle to drop the ball just in time. Her turn seemed like it lasted a whole hour as we watched the ball with absolutely no velocity tippy toe it's way to the pins. By the end of the game lucky Cristal won with three strikes! I guess slow and steady does win the race. My mom seemed to grow a little sad at the bowling alley that night. She recalled our last years visit to the same alley for Joci's b-day, only that time my dad was around. She insisted it was nothing and that it would pass. We all let her be In the memory. I too have those snip memories of my dad,where I just want to be in the moment hoping I can catch a glimpse of his face and smile. These quick memory flashes are beautiful opportunities for us to relive times we had with my dad, even if it is just for a few minutes.
The next day Ivan and I went to church, then headed over to my cousin Gaby's for a pre fourth of July BBQ with all my cousins. I couldn't stand the heat outside. It was already 7, and it was still 90 degrees outside. I excused myself and politely took off my sweaty wig. Gosh it felt good! It sure is nice being bald In the summer;) I had to make sure to securley put my wig somewhere safe while I sported my nude head. My family seems to mistaken my wig for a real person if I leave it in open area. The other week I left it hanging on the bed post and there were 3 screams of " O, it's just patty's wig, I thought there was someone there!" I thought they would be used to the whole wig ordeal by now, but I guess not. The fourth of July festivities continued on to the next day as well. Ivan and I headed over to our friend Andy's house for another BBQ and fireworks. I had no complaints, I love BBQs! I wasn't able to go swimming just yet, but I'm counting down the days until I can freely jump into a cold pool to cool off! Probably by the time I get out of the hospital this week I will get the ok...hopefully.
I'm hoping this round of chemo goes well because I received a phone call from the art camp, and they want me to work the week of July 18, and teach the following week. I'm incredibly excited, so please pray that I recover well enough to do it.
Well Im off to spend time with my mama! love you all, God bless!
Besides mod podgeing, I had a weekend filled with lots of family time. It was my niece Joci's b-day on Saturday. My sister planned her a hawaian themed party with a trip to the bowling alley as well. I had a good time watching all the kids struggle to pick up bowling balls and try to skillfully drop the ball down the aisle. My poor niece Cristal who is only five, had the hardest time picking up the oversized ball. Ironic enough she managed to pick up the ball and wobble her way to the aisle to drop the ball just in time. Her turn seemed like it lasted a whole hour as we watched the ball with absolutely no velocity tippy toe it's way to the pins. By the end of the game lucky Cristal won with three strikes! I guess slow and steady does win the race. My mom seemed to grow a little sad at the bowling alley that night. She recalled our last years visit to the same alley for Joci's b-day, only that time my dad was around. She insisted it was nothing and that it would pass. We all let her be In the memory. I too have those snip memories of my dad,where I just want to be in the moment hoping I can catch a glimpse of his face and smile. These quick memory flashes are beautiful opportunities for us to relive times we had with my dad, even if it is just for a few minutes.
The next day Ivan and I went to church, then headed over to my cousin Gaby's for a pre fourth of July BBQ with all my cousins. I couldn't stand the heat outside. It was already 7, and it was still 90 degrees outside. I excused myself and politely took off my sweaty wig. Gosh it felt good! It sure is nice being bald In the summer;) I had to make sure to securley put my wig somewhere safe while I sported my nude head. My family seems to mistaken my wig for a real person if I leave it in open area. The other week I left it hanging on the bed post and there were 3 screams of " O, it's just patty's wig, I thought there was someone there!" I thought they would be used to the whole wig ordeal by now, but I guess not. The fourth of July festivities continued on to the next day as well. Ivan and I headed over to our friend Andy's house for another BBQ and fireworks. I had no complaints, I love BBQs! I wasn't able to go swimming just yet, but I'm counting down the days until I can freely jump into a cold pool to cool off! Probably by the time I get out of the hospital this week I will get the ok...hopefully.
I'm hoping this round of chemo goes well because I received a phone call from the art camp, and they want me to work the week of July 18, and teach the following week. I'm incredibly excited, so please pray that I recover well enough to do it.
Well Im off to spend time with my mama! love you all, God bless!
Monday, June 27, 2011
The long lost appetite and it's return
This past week of hospitalization started off rough. I checked into radiology to get my port put in. I was partially sedated for the procedure, although I still felt sharp pains here and there and the messy yellow goop they spread all over my chest to sanitize the area. The goop honestly takes a week to go away unless you want to sit there for hours scrubbing away until your skin is completely red. After the procedure I was transported to the room I would be staying in all week. The room was spaciously gorgeous, resembling a mini suite. It was a lot nicer then the dorm I stayed in for 6 weeks in Baldwin park. As soon as I settled in to my temporary room I started feeling throbbing pain coming from my chest. I couldnt seem to find any comfortable angle to sleep in....so viketin became my best friend. The chemo was to be given to me over a 36 hour period. I started it late Tuesday, and it went all the way up until Thursday morning. I have had times where I've lost my appetite before, but it has never been as bad as it was this past week. Such a sad feeling for the food adic that I am. Nothing seemed appetizing but fruit. I was lucky if I got at least one entire meal during the day.janes ted to eat so bad, and nothing is worse than feeling the nauseating feeling when your not feeling a slight bit of hunger. This round of chemo also brought along 3 nicely packaged headaches each day. Thanks, but no thanks. If I wasn't sleeping, which I did a large portion of the day, I was making my best attempt to hold conversations with my visitors. Thank God for my family and friends who all kept me company during the week, I couldnt have made it through the week without any if them. I feel so awful to be a bore when visitors come by, but I'm sure I can make up some entertainment time later. My poor mommy, who stayed the night with me two nights, looked so bored. But being the amazing mom she is she stuck it through:) Both my nieces even took a stab at being a nurse for the night. They didn't do have bad, I was quite impressed. Although give them cable t.v. and an iPad and they will stay up all night being a nurse, and I mean all night!! My friends Andy, Alyssa, Mena, Sarah, and Angelica also came by during the week. Not to mention my three Ramirez cousins Gaby, Liz, and Carmen who spent most late nights with me.
Sunday came around, it was finally time for me to go home! And lucky for me, my appetite returned! The first thing I wanted to eat was a nice slice of pepperoni pizza...which turned into three!! Thank you God for returning me my lovely friend, and most of all, thank you for helping get through anoher one of these cycles! Love you all, keep following!
Sunday came around, it was finally time for me to go home! And lucky for me, my appetite returned! The first thing I wanted to eat was a nice slice of pepperoni pizza...which turned into three!! Thank you God for returning me my lovely friend, and most of all, thank you for helping get through anoher one of these cycles! Love you all, keep following!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Death is not supposed to be a scary thing. Since I was diagnosed I never placed too much thought on the idea of death. The times that I thought about it, it didn't seem to scare me. Since my dad passed, I've been thinking about it more, but this time I do feel a sense of fear. I feel it's because i have felt how much it hurts when someone passes. I know we can all have our doubts at times, and I've been talking to God about this fear and nervous feeling ive been having about death often. I wonder if when death comes around and one goes to heaven, if they feel the ache of missing their loved ones. I think that's why Ive been feeling this way. I have felt the feeling of agony of losing one person, and dont want to feel the agony of missing every single loved one in my life. But I know God can help me with this one, just as much as he has helped me with every other dilemma in my life. I know that if death should ever come upon me, he will make me feel full, I just have to have faith, faith will conquer my doubts, faith conquers all.
A little better everyday...
I have been spending a lot of time with my mom this past week. I stay the night with her most nights when Ivan is working graveyard. I feel like we are all getting a little better everyday since my dad passed, but we all can't stop missing him. Yesterday was fathers day, and it was so hard not to have my pops to celebrate with. But I knew my dad never placed a big emphasis on the holiday, so I found it silly of me to feel sad.
This past Friday was the last day of the novena, a nine day prayer we started after my dads services. So much family has been over which has been nice but also not so good some days, especially for my mom. I found her in the garage the other day just sobbing and when i asked her if she just wanted to be alone she firmly nodded her head yes. As much as it hurts me to know i have to leave her alone some days, my sisters have all said she needs time alone to cope and accept the change. She's been finding her therapy through her yard work, which is good. The scary talk of her wanting to move from the home we all grew up in isn't something we all want to hear. We feel it's just part of her coping journey. I've talked to some people who have lost a close family member or friend, and ive heard their loved ones can cope in this way. As hard as it would be to have my mom leave the house we all have so many memories in, we all know we have to support her in her decision, whatever it ends up being.
I got to visit my students this past week which was amazing. I have missed them sooo much. They didn't know I was coming, so as soon as they saw me they went bazerk! They all commented I looked different, and asked me if I got highlights, I smirked and just said yes. They don't know my diagnoses, yet they are so observant to details. They we're prompt in filling me in with everything I've missed. Of course the biggest question they had for me, was when I would be coming back. It hurt me to have to say that I didnt know. All their hugs truly made my day, I hope to see them again soon!
I start my next chemo cycle tomorrow. I don't feel as sad this time, which is good. Im going to be getting admitted this time, which means I'll have to stay hospitalized for about 3-4 days. I will be getting my Pic line removed tomorrow as well, and getting a port put in. I'm excited for this since wrapping my arm everyday I shower is such a pain, not mention the uncontrollable itchiness from the sticky stuff that keeps it protected.
Today is my hubby's b-day!! We had a celebration for him with all our friends this past Saturday and are having a little dinner today for him just with the fam. Well I'm off to celebrate with the birthday boy! Keep following and God bless!
This past Friday was the last day of the novena, a nine day prayer we started after my dads services. So much family has been over which has been nice but also not so good some days, especially for my mom. I found her in the garage the other day just sobbing and when i asked her if she just wanted to be alone she firmly nodded her head yes. As much as it hurts me to know i have to leave her alone some days, my sisters have all said she needs time alone to cope and accept the change. She's been finding her therapy through her yard work, which is good. The scary talk of her wanting to move from the home we all grew up in isn't something we all want to hear. We feel it's just part of her coping journey. I've talked to some people who have lost a close family member or friend, and ive heard their loved ones can cope in this way. As hard as it would be to have my mom leave the house we all have so many memories in, we all know we have to support her in her decision, whatever it ends up being.
I got to visit my students this past week which was amazing. I have missed them sooo much. They didn't know I was coming, so as soon as they saw me they went bazerk! They all commented I looked different, and asked me if I got highlights, I smirked and just said yes. They don't know my diagnoses, yet they are so observant to details. They we're prompt in filling me in with everything I've missed. Of course the biggest question they had for me, was when I would be coming back. It hurt me to have to say that I didnt know. All their hugs truly made my day, I hope to see them again soon!
I start my next chemo cycle tomorrow. I don't feel as sad this time, which is good. Im going to be getting admitted this time, which means I'll have to stay hospitalized for about 3-4 days. I will be getting my Pic line removed tomorrow as well, and getting a port put in. I'm excited for this since wrapping my arm everyday I shower is such a pain, not mention the uncontrollable itchiness from the sticky stuff that keeps it protected.
Today is my hubby's b-day!! We had a celebration for him with all our friends this past Saturday and are having a little dinner today for him just with the fam. Well I'm off to celebrate with the birthday boy! Keep following and God bless!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Dedicating this blog to my pops!
It's been awhile I know, but this past week has been filled with heavy emotions. So heavy it's been hard for me to write it all out until now.last Thursday seemed rather dry. I had slept most of the day feeling more exhausted than usual, although everyday I feel tired and sleepy. Ivan decided to make us some steaks and potatoes. I had a craving for it, and like his usual self he wants to make his wifey happy...we were in the kitchen preparing our dinner when we received the call. My sister Hilda told Ivan that they had found my dad unconscious and the ambulance had taken him to the nearest hospital. My mind began to race and tears of fear ran down my face as I grabbed my purse while Ivan quickly grabbed the keys to our car. The ride to the hospital I was once at earlier that morning seemed longer than usual. We arrived to the ER where we were guided to the consult room. As soon as I saw the lettering on the door I began to sob. As the nurse opened the door I saw my sisters red eyes and brother's sorrowful look. I quickly asked in a panic voice" what's going on, where is he?" As the news of my dad no longer being with us hit my ears my knees hit the floor in complete anguish. As the rest of my sisters arrived we hugged each other in sobs. The worst was breaking the news to my mom. My heart shattered as I heard her shout" perdi mi compania" I've lost my company. Seeing my mom made me want to cradle her in my arms to sleep. I've never seen my mom cry this way. Arrangements for my dads services began right away. I couldnt bear going with my family to select the casket nor the burial location. I just couldn't handle it feeling real yet. Family and friends were swarming in and out of our house. Some days it was nice to have company but other days we all just wanted to be left alone. I coped by watching old home videos of my dad and remembering the amazing memories he had given all of us. My dad had suffered so much these past years with different illnesses. He had spent countless days in the hospital, but when it came for his time to part from us it happened in the comfort of his own home, in his favorite spot on the couch. My family and I found peace and prayed he hadn't suffered one bit on his way out. The viewing and funeral were unbearable. I had a difficult time stepping close to the casket. As soon as I walked in I saw my family crowded around it, and began to cry. It took my whole family to convince me to come see him. Inside me, I didn't want to accept it, but I knew I was going to have to. As soon as I saw him, I noticed the small smile on his face. He looked so comfortable at rest. The mass for my dad was beautiful. It brought me a sense of joy to know my dad was enjoying himself in heaven, and although we would miss his physical self, he would always be in our hearts...this brought me great comfort.
God is always trying to teach us something...I dont know why he sprung this on us so sudden, but I feel it has really united our family. I feel my dads presence constantly. I feel god is using my dads absence to bring us closer together. Im going to miss the heck out off him. Not a day will go by where I won't think of him. I'm always always going to remember his smile and laugh, always. I'm going to dedicate this blog to him because i feel ive gotten my strength to fight this sickness from watching my dad fight all his illnesses. He never gave up! And sickness after sickness he always bounced back to us. He was a true fighter, and i want to be just like him! Descansa en Paz mi lindo papa.
God bless, keep following
God is always trying to teach us something...I dont know why he sprung this on us so sudden, but I feel it has really united our family. I feel my dads presence constantly. I feel god is using my dads absence to bring us closer together. Im going to miss the heck out off him. Not a day will go by where I won't think of him. I'm always always going to remember his smile and laugh, always. I'm going to dedicate this blog to him because i feel ive gotten my strength to fight this sickness from watching my dad fight all his illnesses. He never gave up! And sickness after sickness he always bounced back to us. He was a true fighter, and i want to be just like him! Descansa en Paz mi lindo papa.
God bless, keep following
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