Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 15-it's like living in another body for a temporary time...

Last night I didn't get much sleep :( My lower back was incredibly sore from the biopsy, and my neck and shoulders have been rather achey as well. One of the side affects of the treatment is night sweats and chills. I find myself waking up every few hours feeling like I'm in a bath of my own sweat. So I flip my pillow over to let it dry out. Its been a struggle trying to teach myself to go back to bed after getting woken up. I feel I'm getting used to it somedays, but other days it's just so hard to fall back asleep. This morning I awoke rather grumpy. After the achey back pains and perfusivly sweaty night, I just wanted to sleep! I eventually managed to get out of my pool, make my goals for the day and crunch on a new kind of breakfast. My sister Hilda brought me some cinnamon toast crunch cereal which I happily ate two bowls of :) After breakfast I felt a lot better and made my way around the floor three times! After lunch I made it around my floor some more times around. These past few days I've felt better I've been putting to use with more walking to avoid my muscles from tensing up so much. I felt completely exhausted after the walk and managed to finally get some sleep afterwards. It's just so weird because sleep here doesn't feel like sleep. Ivan said I was sleeping for 2hrs, but to me, I wasn't even aware I had fallen asleep...
One of the biggest challenges on my list of goals today was shower. Today was perhaps the easiest time I've had with that one thankfully! I was beginning to dread the nauseating, tired, and weak feeling I get afterwards. Mounds of hair streamed out as I attempted to shampoo and condition. I got this feeling I was having a good bye ceremony for my hair as I watched the thick brown wavy strands compile into a large almost"dirt mound" looking thing. As I stared down at all the hair I felt like I was becoming a new person, saying good bye to an old me and hello to a new Patty, one with better hair I'm hoping:)( I was never really attached to my hair, infact I'm hoping it grows back nicer since I would always complain about my crazy frizz.)
As I stepped out of the shower I had this thought. Being in this hospital and undergoing all this treatment makes me feel like I'm living in someone else's body temporarily. It's as if I completely unzipped myself out of my own self and just simply stepped into another, just like that! This body is different though... weaker. It's a strange feeling trying to adjust to a new body you don't know. It's like you don't recognize yourself...but I'm hoping it's only a matter of time. I'm hoping that I will soon be able to just simply unzip myself out of this strange thing and jump right back into my old body once more!
My beautiful friend Mena arrived not too long ago!! My heart smiled as she came into the room. Seeing her made me feel like I wasn't here in this hospital, like she just came over our apartment to hang out. She will be by nurse/roommate for the night. Dr.Ivan has trained her in her nightly responsibilities:) My mom and sister left back for Modesto today:( it was so great to have them here, I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait for tomorrow! Mena and I will be having an art day!! I have painting and more crafts in mind, and she's just the right gal to do them with! It's so great to have her I'm off to spend time with my girl! Sending you all lots of love! Thank God for another clean day of less pain!! Hoping for more...
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