I feel like I'm having a competition with my body. As my counts drop, I feel my body getting weaker, I'm beginning to feel very zombie like. This morning I struggled to get myself up for breakfast, my body felt glued to my bed. Still, I knew I had to eat, so I used whatever strength I had sat up in a chair and ate. I even pushed my sack of bones to take a stroll around my neighborhood floor. Walking around made me feel in a daze, lightheaded, as though each time I lifted my feet it was as if I were picking up 20lbs. I believe it was my bunny slippers that gave me the will power to continue hoping along my trail. When I arrived back to my cubicle I felt as if I had just ran a mile. I'm sure you have all felt that exhaustion before. Perhaps after working a long day, getting a tough workout, or pulling an all nighter. I was in complete exhaustion. I curled myself into a nice little ball on my bed, trying to strategize a plan for me to get the energy to shower. I did what I do best, I had Ivan blast pandora on the mana station, and began singing to my favorite Spanish tunes of juanes, shakira, and enanitos verdes. I had the music going while I showered, singing so loudly Ivan said I scared the housekeeper away in a laugh. It felt like a huge accomplishment. Something so simple like taking a shower, is quite the mission.
I had a yummy peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I have never looked forward to a pb and j sandwich so much before. I even began to sing"it's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time" as my sandwitch arrived, all while my nurse O laughed. Ivan says I ask her too many questions, but I'm just trying to get to know her better I tell him. Nurse O injected my chemo through my IV around 2, and as she did we conversed about her life and how she became a nurse. Her story is quite the inspiring one. She raised her three kids all on her own, and returned back to school when her children were grown. She's extremely dedicated to delivering the best for her family. She mentioned a very insightful thought to me, " you can have all the money in world, but those riches don't go to the grave with you. Family is the most Important thing in this world, and I try and instill that idea everyday on my kids." Shes quite the woman I tell you.
After the chemo, I started to feel rather loopy, achey, so I slept. I passed out for about 2hrs. I woke up and had dinner. Pasta with chicken and red sauce. I had an itch to eat pupusas, but Ivan said tomorrow would be best as he sang "you can't always get what you want!"
My good friend Chanti will be bunking with me tonight to give Ivan a break. I told her it will be like our old college roommate times, minus the tequila;) I hope she manages to get some sleep amongst all the wake up calls.
Here's to a good night rest I'm hoping, and for treatment to continue running smoothly. Love you all so much!!!