I felt angry last night. For the first time. I felt angry at the fact I couldn't enjoy one of my favorite meals because my taste buds were off, and feel nauseaded at the thought of it now. I felt anger because people say they will call and never do. I felt anger because people say they will drop by and never do. I felt angry that I cant cook my own food or eat home cooked meals. I feel angry that my butt and lower back are constantly sore. That this kinck in my neck just won't go away. I feel angry at the fact that I havent gotten a full nights rest without being woken up at least once. I feel angry that I wake up one to two times during the night in my pool of sweat. And even when I turn my pill over, it's still wet. I feel angry that my hair is poking my neck and is always all over my shirt. Gosh I even feel angry because I can't sleep right now. I feel angry that I'm connected to a machine that beeps obnoxiously every hour. I feel angry that I can't sleep next to Ivan in our own comfy bed. I feel angry about the fact I don't know what is to come....I can't have a plan, and that's hard for someone like me. As I look back at what I just wrote, I realized I started off by saying I felt anger to I feel. I feel better now getting it off my chest! I feel angry! As much as Ive made the positive out of these things, I have the right to be angry too!
Grrrrrrrr.....I breath, I feel so much better now maybe I can finally rest.