I must keep fighting!!

I cried last night. I have only cried one other time since I've been here, when I first learned of the diagnoses. After my blood transfusion I was overtaken by a horrible migraine. I tried to to just ice my head, the nurses suggested I go with the morfin, but I insisted Tylenol. The Tylenol didn't help, and after continuous throbbing, I decided it was best for them to give me the morfin. The doctor has continuously told me not to be afraid to take it, that I shouldn't tuff out the pain or suffer more than I need to. But I'm stubborn, and for a person like me who never even liked taking a simple advil when I had a headache, rather chose to just sleep it off, it's difficult. The morfin wasn't kicking in. I found myself rolling, shifting, and placing myself in every possible position I could think of where I wouldn't feel the tremendous thumping in my head. As the loud pulsating sound erupted from the side of my head my mom attempted to console me, but all I wanted was to close my eyes and fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep,. I kept trying to just take myself out of by body, and stop thinking of the pain, but the pain was far to vivid. I was taken to radiology for them to run a CTC scan of my brain.. It made me so nervous, but they wanted to check for any abnormalities in the brain. I was rolled out in my bed, wearing a mask, with a pillow over my eyes because the light was just unbearable for my eyes. Ivan held my hand as the bed was pushed by the transporter. As soon as I began the scan, the loud din of thumping in my head began to diminish. I can't even begin to explain how hard my heart was racing in complete nerves while the scan was taken. As I was being rolled back to my room, the thumping slowly turned into a tapping, and I felt a lot better. I hadn't eaten dinner, Ivan had brought me pizza, so I ate, and with the little energy I had laid myself to sleep.
I awoke at three am last night, again with the thumping, I couldn't sleep. I agreed to the morfin this time right away, and boy did it help. I found myself wiping the drool off my mouth every hour:) I'm sitting up now, trying to not lay in bed so much, but my mom says just take it easy and not push myself too much. I'm craving pancakes, and I'm hoping they will make my day a little more happier...please pray about the ctc scan, that all looks well!! Love you all!

** a special thanks to my friend Lindsey Grant who came from San Diego to visit me yesterday!! I love the socks and plush animal Linds, you are the best!! It was so great seeing your lovely self:)